All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
