i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
