Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
