The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize