I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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