I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
