you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
