He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
