You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
