U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And then he peed in my hair
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