I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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