there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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