and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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