Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
