First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
