the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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