fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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