took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
