btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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