I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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