Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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