wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
