In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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