filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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