Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
