i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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