all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
