I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
