What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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