Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
