I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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