There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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