i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
