I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize