well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i now understand why vodka
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
