I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
