So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
