i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
