Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
