Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
