i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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