yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
