I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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