i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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