Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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