dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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