I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
