Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
