he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
