so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize