I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
