i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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