he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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