I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
