1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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