I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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