i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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