i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
