32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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