wrigley field is MILF paradise
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she pinky promised me she was 18
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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