All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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