mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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