UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
