hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
