You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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