if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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