Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
