I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
