he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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