can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
